In a funk

"Youth is often wasted on the young."


I can't listen to this song without getting teary and thinking back to what my past was. I've come so far but yet have so much farther to go. Some parts are down right blacked out of my mind just because I refuse to relive them. It is now however coming back to bite me in the ass. My mind has had an excellent habit of "forgetting" what is traumatic or too painful but only to rehash those moments in time in my sleep. It's becoming very draining to wake up every morning with a cloud over my head. I could deal with the waking up sweaty and breathing heavy dreams but these are dreams that make you cry in your sleep and scream for someone who isn't even there. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm starting to think I'm cracked or broken mentally some where. I've done the whole therapy thing and I am just skeptical of the process. "Sessions" leave me feeling worse than what I did. It was hard enough meeting with a social worker before I had Samantha to explain my "red flags" in my records. Thankfully, the social worker found me completely sane, pitied me, and asked if there was anyone he could refer me to in particular on base if I'd like. If I ever need medication there's no shame and he's has a few friends who dealt with similar cases. Well, that in all made me feel no better about my past but at least I was sane. Maybe this home blogging crap could be therapy? Doesn't even matter if anyone reads it.