Pukey McBarfsalot

I've been sick and not right for the past... five days. I don't know if I caught a virus or what but I'm tired of getting sick everyday. Even as I type this, the nausea is setting in almost like morning sickness. It's not morning sickness though, thank god! Blah...

Anyways, the S/O starts ALS this morning. I am hoping he will be gone long enough for me to make some head way in cleaning, throwing shit out, and packing without any interference. Babydoll and I will just have to work out a deal to where she watches Dora while mumma gets things done. I really hate letting her zone out but I have to get this all done and SOON!

You know, I wanted to go one about how I am plighted with a sickness but I don't think many people will sympathize. I'm more of a broken romantic than I ever was. I learned my lesson the hard way by letting someone in over the walls and through the armor. Some days, it's not so bad but others, I feel sick about it.

So...
I lament my sad lament and chalk it up as a lesson learned. The tears that fall are nothing more than weakness leaving my soul.

It's been a while.

So, blogging may not be a daily or even monthly thing for me. Heh, who knew? Well, I did. I kind of knew this would fall through but it's still here when I need it I guess. A lot of changes lie ahead and I'm pretty sure I am ready for it all. It's time to breathe new life into this life of mine. I've grown complacent and overly comfortable and I'm starting to feel antsy. Not much of a future lies back in Michigan for me but hey, it's somewhere different from here. I'm trying to make my own but curse "life" and how it gets in the way. In retrospect, if I changed anything I would not be who I am today. I'm starting to appreciate who I am more and more with each passing day. I accept being a black sheep and I embrace it. For so long when I was younger, it was a bane and curse because I was so misunderstood. The more you spread your wings, the more you enjoy the breeze carrying you. The more you buck the trend, the more you enjoy being off beat. That's me. There's no denying it, no avoiding it, no changing it.

Lately, this song just gives me goosebumps. It's my anthem for the next few months.


"Crystal Ball"

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head cascading up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and down again.

Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all.

The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all.

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love
What it does to me, what it's done to me.
What is done...done

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Broken mirrors and a black cats cold stare,
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I'll meet you there.

But I'm not scared at all, hmm...I'm not scared at all.

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball