Clarity. Is it objective or subjective? It quite possibly could be both in my life. To have a clouded mind is a curse but makes one all too human. Life is rarely black and white and those gray areas that exist cause that fog that creeps in to obscure your view. Ones heart can say one thing but your mind can say another. Inner conflict ensues. Common sense often over rides many desires as well. Inner conflict ensues. Gray area... it's all gray. Am I just that wishy-washy of a person? Sometimes I just feel like a compass needle going nuts within the directional star in which it spins. Just pick a bearing. Just stop spinning. Wait, what is making me go crazy in the first place? Can I even answer that question? Probably not. The truth is a that I actually do not have an answer for what ails me. I'm a grown woman lost in the world with little girl feelings about the unknown. There are bogeymen and monsters that lie in the dark looking to make the worst of me, to make me fail, to make me stumble, to make me unsure, to make me doubt myself. I cling to the familiar, I cling to what is known even though that may not be what is best in this life. I fight change. I run, I kick, and I scream to avoid it. All the changes up until I was an adult were changes for the worse so I associated change with a turn for the worse. Things will get harder, more difficult, and life will become more of a burden if things change. So some how, I long for change but only change for the better. Changes that make the change worth while. Is it time to take a deep breath and dive into the darkness to see what lies within? Why do I feel rushed to make a change? I feel like casting away the baggage I've been carrying but ah ha! That means a change is coming. SO... heh. I'm back at square one wishing for clarity and a weapon against those monsters that lurk in the darkness. I'm pining for more. My soul needs it and craves it.