:gasp: What's that? She's a woman and hasn't used the walk in closet for billions of clothes. The short answer, no, I have not. I'm in the process of loosing weight and clothes that I haven't fit into in three and a half years are starting to fit again. There's no point in unpacking all my clothes until I am done shrinking and able to go through what I can get rid of with confidence I am NOT going to fit into them again. It definitely has not been easy. I'm currently hovering just 2 lbs. above my pre-pregnancy weight and I have lost rough 72-74 pounds since my daughter was born in September of 2008. What was really the tipping point was there was one jab at my weight that hit too hard and I was sick of my weight being exploited as weakness. I'm going to make sure that if anyone wants to take jabs at me, it's going to be about my character, not my waist line. Unfortunately, my mother still has the same disgusted sneer she had when I was 138 lbs. I'm not sure what she expects. Just once I want her to say I am the most beautiful thing she has ever created because that is how I feel about my own daughter, no matter her physical condition. I'd even settle for a "You're beautiful" but it will never come. She couldn't even bring herself to say it on my wedding day or when I was pregnant. Silly me to expect it any other time in my life.
Anyways, enough soul bearing. I've given up alcohol (I have maybe one beer every couple of months). So um... yeah. I'm quite a good time now considering what I do and do not consume.
My diet:
Limited carbs, 1- at most 3 serving daily (I couldn't give them up completely, it was too hard)
Limited sugar (I keep absolutely no sweets in the house. The most sugar I usually have is in my morning coffee and it's 1 1/2 teaspoons)
Limited red meat (I eat mostly eggs and chicken. I occasionally have lean ground beef, steak, pork, or lamb)
Limited starchy vegetables
I don't eat breakfast. I know that is a big no-no with many people but I just do not usually wake up hungry so I wait for "brunch." I make sure the meal is well rounded and it is usually my largest meal of the day.
No eating after 8pm and if I do, it's straight protein or greens. Occasionally, I'll cheat and have a small bowl of cereal if I am REALLY hungry.
No soda or sweetened drinks
No prepacked foods
Low sodium (You would be amazed how nasty food is after you wean yourself off of a sodium dependency)
Instead of one cheat day a week, I have small cheats everyday. It helps me feel normal and less deprived.
I have my weak moments but I am human. I'm trying to become more active but it's hard to hit the gym when you're a single parent. I try to workout at home but I just end up with a toddler crawling all over me. It's not her fault. It's mine for letting myself get like this. My kooky doctor seems to think there be something more wrong with me since I have what is called a "buffalo hump." It's been a progressive bend in my lower neck that I just thought was getting worse due to my DDD breasts and it's seems to be pudgy for some reason. I have another appointment next week and I'll see what he thinks it is. In the mean time, I am not worrying about.
The clone is a little brat sometimes. I feel bad sometimes for being strict with her but when it comes to discipline; I am the judge, jury, and executioner. I only have one set of eyes, ears, arms, and hands so when I need her to do something or I tell her to do something, I mean business and there is no discussion on the matter. She's pushing almost three now and she is good for the most part. She smart and has a superb memory. She amazes me that she can remember where we bought an object from nine months ago. It's a amazing. She seems to have taken a fascination with human anatomy, especially the skeleton. The gross anatomy dissection book I have kind of worries her but she looks at it none the less. There is no point in censoring human anatomy from her. She seemed more comfortable and a bit relieved when I explained that the people in the book did not feel pain when the doctors cut them apart since they were dead beforehand. It will be interesting to see what this progresses into in the future. I feed her all the medical books her heart desires since I know how much I poured myself over them when I was a kid. Books are such a beautiful gift.
I bid you all adieu since it is time to feed everyone and by everyone I mean us and the zoo (two dogs, two guinea pigs, and a hamster).
Food for thought: If you know a good woman, love her like she deserves. We're more fragile than what we seem and more much powerful that what we allow to break us. We find solace in pain and in the process of resurrecting ourselves because out of the rubble and ash, we rise anew and more affirmed of what we a capable of. We rise against so others may know who we are.
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
~Anais Nin
